Be Real Teens

            Relationships are complicated, but at the same time each of us is willing to put up with that complication to invest in another person and feel acceptance and desired by someone. When you really stop and think about it, what is a relationship? In my opinion, which is always changing, it is when two individuals who live independent and separate lives begin to share those lives together. It is simply walking through life together. How great is it to be blessed by having another human being to walk through this hard life with us. Do we need another person to walk through life with us? No, but sometimes we are blessed by having that person to walk through life with us.

            We need to begin to see relationships this way, as a blessing. Our society, especially in the south, puts so much pressure on relationships and makes them a necessity. That is simply wrong. I believe if we could begin to understand this, to comprehend that relationships are blessings, we would enjoy them so much more. Not only would the actual relationship be that much more enjoyable, but when they ended or when we are not involved in a romantic relationship we would still be content.

            If you can’t tell, I write from quite a good bit of experience. A week ago today, I ended a “romantic relationship” that I had been in for about 8 months. To be honest, it is hard. My emotions are like a rollercoaster some days, but because I saw the relationship as a gift, a blessing, I am not depressed. I don’t feel a void in my life now that he is gone. All of this is because I am seeing that, I don’t need him. Although I don’t fully understand that, I am not sure if anyone does, I know that it is true and I choose to remind myself of this truth daily. He was a blessing and I enjoyed every minute of it, but I don’t need him.

            What if we all looked at relationships this way? How different would our lives look? How much more healthy would our relationships be, if we weren’t expecting so much from them?

-Natalie Yarid

The article from The New Yorker talks about the start of online dating and matchmaking by using questionnaires and profiles. In 1964, a 25-year-old man named Lewis Altfest saw at a fair that people could go up to a computer, do a survey, and get the address of your “perfect” match. He expanded this idea and created his own computer-dating service with the help of Robert Ross. People were attracted to this site because all the “hard” work is already done for you. Who doesn’t want to find a person who’s the most compatible with you? Throughout the rest of the article, the creator of the website becomes a sensation and a reporter comes to interview him. 

The two end up having dinner together and two years later, they become man and wife. This somewhat shows that his amazing idea of finding the perfect match for people isn’t the best way to find a significant other. Yes, if it wasn’t for his website and popularity of it, he would not have met his wife.  However, meeting her and spending time together is what led them down the wedding aisle—not a compatibility test. 

Many people have the ideal boyfriend/girlfriend already picked out in their minds. You want someone who enjoys the same things that you do. That’s what usually attracts you to others. The only thing is, when you meet people face to face, the connection is just so much more genuine. At school, as a fundraiser, everyone takes a compatibility test and can buy the results during February. Every time, I get a family member or someone I absolutely know won’t work. That shows that just because a test says two people are compatible doesn’t mean they belong together.

I believe that online dating websites can be one of the worst ways to find a “match”. People can type ANYTHING they want and say whatever they want, which makes it difficult to know who is telling the truth. Getting to know someone the old-fashioned way by spending time together and talking can be more effective and safer. There’s nothing wrong with meeting new people online and later getting to know them via Facebook or other means of communication because the main goal of this website is not to “sell” yourself or put yourself out there in that kind of way. It’s to connect with friends and keep in touch with them. A dating site such as eHarmony or Match.com can become a place for predators in the world we live in today, with many people being dishonest.

 Relationships should never be based off of lies. This is why I feel that dating websites can be damaging to society. Not everyone lies and not all people online are bad, but the few that are seem to be making things worse for everyone else. 

As described in the article, the owner didn’t “hook up” with someone through his website, but by meeting a person and enjoying someone’s company. That’s what is needed to create a relationship, not a computer generated test. Let the attraction to others be through contact, not the reading of a profile.

Robyn Hunter, 18

When most people hear the words “mind games” they typically associate them with a bad relationship. But why do we put up with these games that make us an emotional wreck? Is it because they make the relationship full of excitement, or is it because it is what we are use to? If you find yourself in a relationship that is full of mind games, you should take a step back and examine it.  You might be in a relationship filled with mind games if your partner:

• Doesn’t call. You can think of it in a few different ways. Either they are shy and have the fear of being rejected, or it could mean that they don’t want to come across as too clingy. It could also mean that they want to make sure that they are always on your mind—with you waiting by the phone for their call. 
• Plays “hard to get.” This could mean that they want to see how far you will go to chase after them. But it could also mean that they are a busy person and have an independent lifestyle, which you might want to consider if this person is right for you.
• Disappears after sex.  In early relationships, some couples tend to go ahead and make the jump to sexual intimacy thinking that both want the same thing. But often one person gets left behind because the other one can’t be found—ignoring calls and attempts to spend time together. So once again you have to ask yourself if this is a relationship that is right for you.
• Regularly “break-up” with you.  When you find yourself in an on-again/off-again relationship you have to stop and think, “Should I really put up with this?” Most of the time if one person in the relationship is constantly calling it on-again and off-again, it could mean that they are scared to stay when times get tough. So it’s up to you to choose if they person is right for you in the long run.
• Presents ultimatums. If you ever find yourself hearing the word “If you really love me than you would do this for me”or“If you don’t do this, then I will do that,” you may be in a controlling relationship. But you don’t have to give in to these things if it is not what you want. No one should ever be pressured in a relationship to do something that they do not want to do.

If you ever find yourself in a mind game you should always ask yourself, “Is it really worth it?”  No one should ever be trapped in a relationship filled with mind games, especially if they feel that it is not right for them.

-Allysa Gentry

For those of us who just graduated and are about to enter the “real world” things are changing faster than expected. Friends who we saw everyday are moving hundreds of miles away to go to college and our best friends are no longer 15 minutes down the road. Our parents are either doing one of two things: letting us grow up or clinging to us before we leave. Times are changing and college life will be extremely different. Not everyone has our best interest at heart and not every teacher cares if you pass or not. How are we supposed to handle the day to day pressure of our prospective college or universities? Do I study every night and never go out? Do I join a lot of school clubs and study when I can?

Here are 5 handy tips that my family told me on how to survive college.
1) study during the week and do all your work so that on the weekends you can enjoy the weekends
2) get involved in clubs that interest you because college is more than just learning all the time
3) talk to new people that you wouldn’t normally have talked to in high school because they may become your new best friend or open you up to new experiences
4) always go out in groups, be safe and aware of your surroundings
5) don’t be the person you think other people want you to be, you should be confident in you are and go from there

~Asia~

Relationships can be stressful during this time of year. It’s time to have “fun in the sun” and party around the pool 24/7. Not everyone wants to be tied down or “committed” to one person. Also, for many young adults, a new chapter in life has just begun with graduating from high school and leaving a younger significant other behind in the previous chapter may be tough. Here are some tips about solving these issues of summer relationships:

Tip #1: If you want to be having fun in the sun ”single” then do just that. Don’t get into a relationship if you don’t want to claim it. Saves time and arguments.

Tip #2: For those of you who want to continue to stay in your relationship, Go out and have fun together and make this summer one to remember! Go to the beach or just hang out and enjoy each other’s company.

Tip #3: Let what happens at high school stay where it belongs, in high school. Whether its friendships or relationships that were kinda rocky then, they will do you no good after you have moved on so let them be. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with getting rid of the old to make room for the new!

Tip #4: Enjoy this break because it will soon come to an end once August hits. Why raise your blood pressure when you’re young. Find someone that aids in you enjoying your summertime.

Tip #5: Yes it may be summertime, and yes you normally have a blast, but please have fun tastefully. Just have pure, clean fun!

Hopefully these tips will help you enjoy your amazing summer!
–
*Robyn*

Summer is the time that every student looks forward to because it’s the time of no school and plenty of summer vacations! For some high school graduates summer can be very stressful because they are transitioning out of the high school life and into the college world. Also a lot of relationships are strained and even ended because one may be either going to another college out of state or away from home and the other left behind. This raises question why must a couple feel the need to break up? I feel that trust can be the issue and the feeling that no one wants to be played or hurt if trying a long distance relationship. But not everyone thinks they have to break up if they are moving away to go to school. There are plenty of people that I know who have stayed together, but live in different areas. I guess it’s just something that you and your partner have to figure out and talk about because remember in order for a relationship to work you must be able to COMMUNICATE!

Have a great summer and don’t forget the sunscreen! 

-Isaac

You’ve probably seen it plenty of times—a couple that has broken up relatively recently gets back together. This situation is quite common among couples, but have you ever wondered why? If a couple gets back together, why did they ever break up in the first place?  Sometimes people get back together because it is what they’re used to and are comfortable with; sometimes people get back together because they realize they’ve made a rash decision about breaking up or just had a misunderstanding. Regardless, you should carefully and rationally assess your relationship situation before you break up.

It may seem much more comfortable to just reunite with an old love because you don’t have to make the effort to put yourself out there and get to know new people. That is the wrong reasoning for returning to an old relationship. All the old problems you had previously in the relationship will eventually resurface and once again produce a rift between you two. 

If you broke up with your boyfriend/girlfriend because of a misunderstanding or a rash decision, think about the topic that split you up in the first place. Has the misunderstanding been resolved? If not, you need to bring closure to that topic before you start dating him/her again. This will help both of you start fresh in the relationship without any loose ends that are unresolved.
Before getting back together with an old boyfriend or girlfriend, answer these questions truthfully:

1-Why am I getting back with him/her?
2-Are my intentions good? Am I doing this so I won’t have to be alone, or am I doing this because I truly think it will work between him/her?
3-What are the pros and cons of getting back with him/her?

Remember, even though reuniting may seem like the easy way out, it will not last if you don’t approach the relationship with a truthful heart and rational head.

-Sarah Tam

1. Don’t be emotional on Facebook: don’t post every single thing about your love life whenever something good or bad happens. People don’t need to know if your boyfriend is the “BEST BOYFRIEND EVER” or that you guys went on a romantic walk on the beach. Constant mushy-gushy statuses, pictures full of PDA, and declarations of your undying love for each other are unnecessary. Basically, don’t spam everyone’s news feed with your love life!
2. Don’t change your relationship status after every single fight. There is no need to be so dramatic on Facebook. People will not respect your relationship or your commitment to each other.
3. Do update your Facebook regularly. Facebook is a widely used social network now and most people check out your Facebook before making a decision of whether or not they’re interested in you. If you’re in a relationship, make sure you’re in a relationship. If you break up, post that you are single. Or if you prefer to not let anyone know about your relationship status, just remove your relationship status completely

I feel like these do’s and don’ts of Facebook are important because it keeps your relationship respectable but not annoying. Please be aware of these rules whenever you are starting off in a relationship. Your Facebook friends will thank you.

-Sarah T

First dates are fun and exciting, but also nerve-wracking. You want to put on a good impression for your date, but may have the first date jitters. Before going out on your first date with your special someone, keep these things in mind:

• Don’t bring up exes!
  • This should be obvious. You guys are on a date because you’re interested in starting a new relationship, so there is no need to dwell on past relationships. Not only is this inappropriate but also very uncomfortable for your date because they will not know how to respond.
• Don’t bring up serious topics!
  • For example religion or politics. This is a touchy subject. It is best not to delve into a serious religious discussion on your first date. The first date should consist of light conversations and discussions to get to know each other better.
• Do ask questions about your date!
  • No one wants to hear about someone talk about themselves the entire time.
• Don’t bail on your date!
  • Don’t bail on your date before the time comes, in the middle, or near the end. It is always rude to ditch your date regardless of how terribly its going.
• Do be thankful for the date!
  • Regardless of whether you are the guy or girl, thank your date for the night (even if it was a horrible night) because they took the effort to get ready and spend time with you.
• Don’t encourage him/her if you are not into her!
  • There’s nothing worse than thinking you two have something only to find out that he/she was only being polite by not showing true feelings of indifference.
• Don’t Facebook stalk!
  • It is creepy if you bring up detailed things from his Facebook profile page during your date. Do bring up more casual topics that you found on his Facebook page, such as bands that you saw he was interested in, or favorite movies.

So basically, keep the date simple. You may be nervous, but just try to act natural because that’s probably what he or she was interested in when they first met you and decided on going on the date with you. Being fake can only impress temporarily. Plus, being fake is an exhausting life to live every time you are with the person. Being you is always the best choice.

-Sarah T.