For a lot of you seniors out there, graduation is coming up. That means a time for new things and leaving home is coming up. For some of you, that means you and your significant other may be going to different colleges. Oh no! So that also means, it’s time for some serious talking and decision making.
If you and your significant other have been avoiding “the talk” for some time, now is the time to start talking about it. Graduation is a lot closer than you think it is. This is a big decision that you and your partner have to make together. It’s good to have an idea of how you feel about the possibility of a long distance relationship, but it isn’t a choice you should make on your own. You and your partner need to come to an agreement, and before you can do that, you need to talk about it. Now is the time!
Once you do start talking about it, have an open mind. Maybe your partner has a different idea than you do about it so be open to what they are saying. Don’t go into the conversation thinking that your way of thinking is the only way of thinking-it isn’t. The conversation will go much better if both you and your partner listen to each other and consider what you both are saying. Don’t just say what you want and then ignore what they want. Communicate. This is an important decision to make in your relationship.
After you have had your first talk about it, don’t necessarily make the decision right then. Take some time for both of you to think about it. Don’t make a hasty decision based on one conversation you had for thirty minutes. Continue to think and talk about it for as long as you need to, discussing all your options. Try not going into the conversation thinking that you will come out with the solution. It will take a little bit of time and your first decision might not be your last. Be open to changing your mind as you grow throughout the summer.
If you and your significant other do decide to continue your realtionship, keep in mind that everything is going to change. The dynamic of a long distance relationship is completely different than that of a “normal” one. Not only does the physical aspect of your relationship get taken away, unless you are fairly close to each other, but you will both become much busier with college classes and life in general. A long distance relationship is a lot of work, so make sure that if that is what you want, you and your partner are willing to work hard at it. It takes a very strong relationship with good foundation to be able to handle it. Distance does not always make the heart grow fonder.
Need some ideas for a romantic date? Anything you do with your significant other should be fun and enjoyable, but a surprise date is a great way to show your significant other that you care deeply for them. Instead of telling them where you’re going, blindfold them and tell them that it’s a surprise! This way, it will be more fun because it’ll give both of you an adrenaline rush! Here are some ideas to start with:
Go cloud-watching! Lie on the grass and tell each other what shapes you see in the sky.
Go out to a fancy restaurant, and talk over delicious food. Go out for ice cream afterwards!
Go to a community playground (Hickory Dickory is a prime choice)! Play hide-and-seek or tag; it might surprise you how much of a kid-at-heart you are.
Rent movies that you both enjoy and have a fun movie night at home! Pop some popcorn and snuggle up.
Go for a picnic in the park. Prepare lunch in a basket and bring a blanket!
There are many more great ideas that would make for an amazing date. Plan something that the both of you will never forget. As long as you take the time to come up with a creative date idea, your significant other is sure to have fun and appreciate what you’ve done for them. Whatever you do, just always remember to show your significant other how much they mean to you while you have the chance.
As teens, we often have profound insights into love and dating. This is especially true as we reflect on how experience and observation have changed our perceptions on relationships since we were kids.
Amany Elmogahzy. “Love takes time which is something most people don’t understand. Love needs time to grow and develop.”
Lara Tucci. “The very day that I met [the boy] he told me that he loved me. That very afternoon, he sat next to me on the bus and tried to hold my hand. I was scared; things were moving a little too fast for my seven year old self. I told him I’d hold his hand if he beat me at rock-paper-scissors. We played best 2 out of 3. When I won, he made a face, but he kept his side of the bargain. And that’s all it took. That’s what love was to us second graders. As simple as a game of rock-paper-scissors and certainly less important than my deluxe collection of Pokemon cards. But now, I’m sixteen and I have to take relationships a bit more seriously. I have to cope with emotions and hormones and awkwardness and giddiness and everything else that comes with love. A heartbreak is no longer a little boy pouting on the bus when his crush turns him down. It is a real, almost physical pain. Love’s not just a game anymore.”
Kevin Hu. “I used to view love as ideal. Love was perfect in every way. You fell in love with a girl (or guy), have kids, the end. No fights, no divorces (I didn’t even know what that meant then!), just love. I know now how naive that was. After being exposed to the “real world” for years, I’ve discovered, to my dismay, that love is far from perfect. Despite all this, I try to be optimistic about relationships.”
Chelsea Ward. “I guess you could say I’m a hopeless romantic but when I was younger I was a lot more extreme.”
Baxter Burke. “The first ‘girlfriend’ I ever had was back in fifth grade and I really had no idea what to do around her except treat her like any other normal friend of mine. I had no idea at all what a ”real” relationship was. It was just “cool” I guess to say that I had a girlfriend. It seemed as if I really didn’t care about her feelings or anything of that matter. Now it’s not a matter of just saying that you have a girlfriend, it’s that when you do have one, you care for them and you actually want them to feel comfortable around you.”
Katy Smith. “When I was younger, to me love was always a fairy tale. I thought that everyone who loved each other would get married, have babies, and end up happily ever after. To me, relationships were filled with butterflies in the stomach and walking barefoot on the beach. Now, I think I have a more realistic view on it. The biggest realization I’ve had as I’ve grown up is that relationships are never picture perfect. However, I have not completely changed. I still think that love is magical…and no one should settle.”
Go check out our Facebook page (Be Real Teens) to enter our “Cutest Couple Picture Contest!” The winning couple gets a special suprise in May. Good luck!
It’s important to realize the qualities that you want in a partner and identify them before you pursue a relationship. Everybody has different opinions on what’s important and admires different qualities. Nobody’s perfect but there’s no fun in finding out that your partner doesn’t have any characteristics you admire after three months of dating. Just a word of advice from the TAB.
I think that a large part of a relationship is time management. More specifically, I am talking about balancing time with friends and time spent with your significant other. It may seem like a very simple thing but it is important to make yourself aware of this issue.
Time with friends- Even if you are in a serious relationship, you still have to spend some time with your friends. One reason is that your boy/girl friend can very easily end a relationship and all of the time you spent with them may go down the drain. On the other hand, having friends is just as important as having a boy/girlfriend relationship. Good friends and great source of support and encouragement when things might not being going well with your significant other.
Time with girl/boy friend- It is also important to spend enough time with your significant other. The biggest reason is that not many people are willing to commit to a relationship if you are not willing to commit time to them. Also, if you don’t spend time with them, there is no way get to know each other.
As I said before, it is a balancing act. It is important to spent time with both your friends and our girl/boy friend and it is important that you consider both groups. Do this and you will pave the way to a more successful relationship.
“I made Cat toys, which helped bring out my inner kid! That was fun! And Sarah and I fed the puppies. They are so cute and helpless and fun to love. I had so much fun serving some of the community’s furry friends!”- Kat
“It was really great to know that even though I was having fun the whole time I was at the Humane Society, I was also helping animals that needed care the most. They don’t have a home or anyone to care for them. So just taking a little part in being a friend for a dog or cat for even a few minutes means a lot to the animal as well as me.”- Baxter
At the Women’s Leadership Conference, I attended the break-out session “Relationships: Getting to the Heart of the Matter” with Dr. Peggy Howland. Since the whole purpose of the TAB is to promote healthy teen relationships, I was especially interested in this session. I came out of there with a lot of insightful information about all sorts of relationships- with yourself, with your family, with your friends, and with your significant other. What especially struck me as interesting was how problems with your boyfriend or girlfriend often go back to internal struggles and issues you have with yourself. Before establishing relationships with other people, you first have to develop a healthy relationship with yourself. Dr. Howland talked extensively about creating and maintaining a healthy self.
One aspect of maintaining a health self that really spoke to me was the discussion about self-esteem. It is so important not to have low self-esteem. I don’t mean the occasional levels of blueness when someone insults you or when you fail majorly. I mean constantly focusing on your faults rather than your assets, your failures rather than your successes. One activity that Dr. Howland suggested to boost your self-esteem I found particularly useful. Simply keep a running list of your strengths, things you admire about yourself, your achievements, your accomplishments, things that make you laugh, and goals for yourself in a journal. Whenever you are down, go back and review the list, rewriting parts of it or adding on to it. Something that I personally do that I feel really helps to keep me in high spirits is to keep a gratitude journal. Every night, I write down 3-5 things that I am particularly grateful for that day. It might be a type of food, it might be a special event, or it might be a person. If you keep up a journal like that, I promise you from firsthand experience that it will help you keep a healthy outlook on life and yourself. There is so much power in simply being appreciative.
